Julie Roys is an author, podcaster and “Christian investigative journalist” based in Illinois. Her stated mission is “reporting the truth, restoring the church.”
This week I became aware of some chapters in her 2017 book, Redeeming the Feminine Soul, that discuss a relationship that Julie had with a young woman “Sarah” from her church youth ministry. Julie notes that her name has been changed for the book. Julie states that she met Sarah when she came to her church youth ministry as a high school senior. Julie was in her 30s, married with two children. Julie was a youth pastor.
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The bulk of Julie’s discussion of Sarah is contained in chapters two and eight, with a few mentions other places in the book. For the purpose of discussion here, I will provide screenshots from the book that I have highlighted. The highlighted portions I think are pertinent to this discussion, but the remainder of chapters two and eight will provide a fuller context for the reader. I have searched through the book to find all the mentions of Sarah.
The screenshots from the book below are in order of my search results for “Sarah.”
Julie begins her writing on Sarah admitting that her relationship with Sarah had become “obsessive.” Julie labels this obsession as “emotional entanglement” and “codependency.” I will point out what I see as red flags in how she describes her “dysfunctional relationship” with Sarah. Then, I will follow with some of the thoughts I have seen on social media from others engaging in this discussion. Some of these people are fellow advocates for abuse survivors. Reading the thoughtful responses of others has helped me in the direction of my discussion here. Personally, I have felt somewhat shocked that this is in her book that has been public since 2017. As a mom as well, I have thought about my own daughters and Sarah. I have thought about Sarah’s parents, especially her mom whom Julie describes as “jealous” of her relationship with Sarah. If someone had “aggressively pursued” my daughters when they didn’t want it and had cut off communication, especially when this involves an adult leader, you can bet I would be livid and would want to take steps to put a stop to her aggressive pursuit.
Julie met Sarah when Sarah was a high school senior, a student in Julie’s church youth ministry. Julie held the position of power and trust as a pastor. Sarah was the vulnerable one due to the imbalance of power. Her relationship with Sarah began when Julie held the balance of power. She became “obsessed” with Sarah. Throughout her writings about Sarah, she conflates sexuality with her own “dysfunction” and “codependence,” as well as with the needs of a teen in alleged crisis. Julie frames Sarah as the manipulative one that sucked “powerless” Julie in like lint in a vacuum. She described it as a “horrific, emotional roller coaster.” Julie’s words throughout the chapters on Sarah weave a pattern of strong emotional attraction to Sarah, so strong that the thought of being without Sarah “killed” her. Julie discusses Sarah being a lesbian and felt that this was due to “sexual brokenness” that needed healing.
Julie describes how she was so obsessed with Sarah that her marriage and her children suffered.
I have seen a few people on social media, one acting as a spokesperson on Twitter for Julie, who insist that Julie was the one who knew she needed help and therefore ended the relationship with Sarah. Julie’s written account says something different. She says “I didn’t have to end my relationship with Sarah; she did it for me, running off with the woman she had told me about and cutting off all communication. I was wrecked.” Julie was so wrecked that after a desperate night contemplating “escape,” Julie entered into a nine month period of attending a weekly group “healing program” in Chicago. She mentions that she wanted Sarah to experience this healing program as well for her “sexual brokenness.” Julie seems to write with a homophobic approach throughout. She views Sarah’s attraction to women as sexual brokenness and dysfunction that needs healing.
Julie’s recent reply on Twitter to discussion of her account of her relationship with Sarah in my opinion minimizes her violation of trust and power as a spiritual leader, labeling it as codependency on her part. She characterizes it as friendship. But Julie violated the boundaries of a youth pastor with someone in her ministry. She misused her position of spiritual authority and caused harm. Abuse is not only sexual in nature. Julie crossed many boundaries and gave thanks that it did not become physical. That statement is disturbing in and of itself. Why would have it become physical? Was that the next boundary left to cross? As Sarah’s adult church leader, Julie’s aggressive, unwanted pursuit is emotional and spiritual abuse which is harmful.
Any adult, but especially one in a position of power and trust, who aggressively pursues another person who wants no further contact is a person who has violated boundaries and trust. That is abusive behavior. In the case of a pastor or church leader, we are also dealing with spiritual abuse. It causes great harm. As an adult leader in her 30s, Julie was the one with the power and the responsibility to respect and adhere to boundaries. She did not. Julie has chosen to minimize it as her neediness, codependency or enmeshment, but it is abusive, because Julie was the one with the power.
Someone who writes about exposing abuse in churches isn’t exempt from exposure and discussion when their own inappropriate and boundary crossing behavior as an adult church leader comes to light. Being a woman and doing good work is not an exemption. People who criticize those of us who expose predatory pastors like to say, “look at all the good he/she has done for the Lord!” Somehow they think this excuses abusive behavior. In the case of Julie and Sarah, the violation of trust and power cannot be ignored just because she does good work exposing abusive pastors and churches.
I hope that Sarah knows that there are people who care and recognize that the abuse of power and trust and inappropriate pursuit by her pastor was not her fault. She is not to blame then or now.
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This is a very important point. Julie publicly divulged private, sensitive information about Sarah and her family. This also is a huge violation of power and trust. There are many red flags of abuse here.
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Updated May 20, 2022
In 2018, Julie spoke about her book and her relationship with Sarah in a video posted by the Restored Hope Network. Speaking at Hope 2018, Julie described herself as a married, ”young mother,” in the context of her relationship with Sarah. Julie wasn’t just a “young mother.” She was a youth pastor. She was Sarah’s youth pastor when they met at church. Julie violated the boundaries of her position. Restored Hope Network’s description of the video on YouTube states, Julie Roys shares at HOPE 2018. Julie counters the lie that same sex attraction is a life sentence and shares about power in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Choose hope in Jesus.
This is all so concerning. It adds additional layers when you realize she doesn’t believe in equality for women or LGBTQ+ people.
I never could trust her. My gut always felt like something was off and I’ve refused in the past to give her comment for her blog.
She says she’s not an advocate but is hosting (I think) an abuse survivor advocate event? She says she is a journalist but I don’t think that word is regulated so any blogger could call themselves a journalist, right?
I was just reading the pages you posted from her book on your blog. I’ve never known of her before this. I agree with your assertions about her. The biggest vibe I get about her in her own writing is she LOVES talking about herself. It’s almost like she has this inner drive to paint a narrative of some version of herself she wants people to believe. She wants to come across as open, vulnerable, and humble. And yet, to me, it feels like an icky slime squishing out of the lines of sentences. Almost, if not flagrantly egotistical in nature. And at the same time trying way to hard to be righteous in appearance. She was an emotional vampire sucking the life from Sarah. Not to save her, but to use her to claim glory and achievement. And when it didn’t go the way she planned she blamed her. This woman is a wolf. And in my opinion as a victim of major abuse ( from both parents but my mother in particular ) should not be dishing out any “help” to survivors. She’ll use it as a feeding frenzy.
I may sound harsh in my assumptions but there is more under the surface of her.
A very clear and concise argument against JR. Though my issues with her carry further than this area, Chapter 2 is certainly a huge red flag. Given how she danced and danced to get around any form of accounting for this is pretty bad. The fact that this book has sat on the shelf for 5 years is bad as well. How her publisher and mentors read this and didn’t call her to edit or see her issues is simply a lap too far. Great call out.