Abusive counseling at Word Life Center in Stratford, NJ

My Story by “Amy O” – name has been modified for privacy purposes:

John 3:19-21- “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”

These are the words Jesus spoke to Nicodemus, and I believe my story can be viewed in light of these truths spoken in these verses.

I came to Word Fellowship Church located in Stratford, NJ (now known as Word Life Center, name changed in 2019) in January 2013. I moved for school, and the Church was nearby. At that time, I was struggling with flashbacks and nightmares from past abuses from childhood, and I would not sleep well. People in the congregation and the leadership seemed nice, and after months of getting to know the church, I decided to ask for help around July 2013. Markus Ehrich, the pastor, suggested that I speak to Teresa Spencer, the main counselor at the time. I met with her at lunchtime on a Wednesday in one of the office buildings with her. She gave me “the Search for Significance book”, a book I was very familiar with, and said that I would be doing homework in the book during sessions. Our initial conversation seemed normal. Yet, without trying to get to know me, she asked me to name my deepest darkest secret. I told her I was not comfortable doing that, because I don’t know her. She continued asking me, so I gave her a dumbed down version of my past. I was comfortable enough to say that I was abused without going into detail. She proceeds to ask me if I masturbate regularly and if I orgasmed. I looked at her stunned and felt insulted because I didn’t come to her for this topic. Furthermore, I felt uncomfortable. She continued to talk about masturbation and said that I can masturbate to the glory of God. I remember asking “Ew, do you do this?” She responded saying that she’s the teacher and I’m the student, so I don’t ask questions and she doesn’t answer me. I told her that if I’m going to trust her, she also needs to be transparent. She refused. I was confused and felt angry, though I did not show it. Her meeting with me did not help me. Days later on Sunday, I returned the books and expressed to Teresa that I did not want to continue counseling with her. When she asked why, I told her “this is the path God has me”. That was the truth, yet, based on our interaction, I did not trust her enough to say “your counseling was not helpful and creepy.”

Why was Teresa Spencer fixated on the topic of masturbation in counseling? Why did she insist that I not ask questions? I continued attending church, assuming that Teresa was just the odd person there, and went to small groups on Thursday and Friday nights. In April 2014, after a Friday night small group, I had a headache and was breathing weird. I was having a panic attack from memories from the past. I asked one of the small group leaders, Anna Shrader, if I could lay down. About a week later, I told Anna that I was abused, and the memories are affecting me. Anna told me to stay after Friday nights to speak with her. I would tell her my stories, and I would write what I could in a journal about those memories per Anna’s request each week. From April- August, almost every Friday night, she would listen to me speak about what weighed heavy. Some memories were
scary. I liked that our conversations were away from the counseling environment. Because I was listened to, I assumed that Anna was different from Teresa in how she counsels. When September came around, Anna asked me if I could join the discipleship program (the counseling program Teresa Spencer heads). The purpose of the program would help me heal and grow a greater relationship with Jesus as I work through the pain, as I understood. I told Anna I would think about it, but I felt hesitant. A week later, I had a 2 hour meeting with Anna and her husband, asking questions about the discipleship program. They mentioned how in their case, Markus Ehrich counseled them and helped them maintain a healthy marriage. I asked them how the discipleship program aided them to become better people. They gave me positive reviews, though I still felt uncomfortable. Something intuitively didn’t feel right. I also had Teresa’s session in my mind. There were many red flags that I perceived, but I couldn’t necessarily “prove” that what I perceived were actually red flags. But because they were older than me (I was 24 at the time), I assumed I must be wrong about what I was feeling. I decided to give the benefit of doubt, and I told Anna that I would start the discipleship program with her.

From September 2014-October 2015, I was in the discipleship program with Anna Shrader as my leader, and the pastor Markus as her overseer/accountability leader, so he led both of us in this dynamic. I wanted healing from the pain of my past, and I was desperate to do anything to obtain it. The rules in discipleship discussed with me were as follows: 1) Anna would counsel/disciple me weekly on Mondays using the Search for Significance book 2) Markus would counsel me biweekly on Wednesdays and 3) I must submit to anything and everything they tell me to do. I will redefine point #3 based on what Markus told me in our first meeting:

Discipleship/Counseling/Accountability is like the military. You do what your leaders say with no questions asked. I strongly disagreed with this rule. I do not blindly follow because it is unwise, and both Markus and Anna knew this. Unfortunately, I was in so much internal emotional pain that I did not follow my intuition. I succumbed to those rules against my own conscience. If you ask a starving person who has no food if they want to eat, it doesn’t matter if you cook them fresh food or if you feed them food from a dumpster. They will eat anything out of desperation and survival. My mindset was desperation from deep pain. The church is also stressing Isaiah 61, so I assumed they must know how to care for the broken hearted. Ironically, this mindset led to a journey of much pain and discomfort.

At first, the standards they asked of me seemed reasonable. I had to 1) Pray at least 30 min 2) Read the Bible 30-45 minutes/devotions, 3) Worship for 30 min and 4) Read/Do Assignments in the book “The Search for Significance”. However, as I continued discipleship and counseling, they added new “weird” rules to “help” me heal from my particular wounds. First, I was told to keep a detailed journal that would be read by both Markus and Anna. Note- I only knew that Anna would read these journals. She would take them home, read and write in comments for me to read, which we agreed to. I did NOT know that she was required to show my journals to Markus. Anna broke confidentiality, and Markus read my journals without my permission. In that journal, according to Anna, I was required to write every single thought and every type of “dirt” about me because “anything exposed to the light gets healed”. There are many things in that journal that were very personal. I don’t believe actual licensed counselors would require such a journal if the counselee is not comfortable. So I found that assignment strange. Second, I was told to do certain assignments during our counseling/discipleship sessions for the purpose of my healing. To put it another way: If I was afraid of heights, the assignment would be to climb a tree so that the fear of heights would eventually leave me. The purpose of the assignments was psychological conditioning. In my case, I had to draw detailed naked pictures of myself for Anna to see, with the reasoning that “God made me a masterpiece”, and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my naked body. I did not know that Markus would also be viewing these pictures in my journals (I will elaborate more on this). Looking back, I can say for certain that I was emotionally numb by the time these assignments were given because of my history of abuse. I could not hear or feel my conscience saying “NO” or was strong enough to leave the church at this point. I would always feel uncomfortable, and I knew that if I shared what was happening, I was scared of the consequences.

When I would write in my journals and we’d meet, Anna would take the journals, read them either in sessions or at home, and write comments. As a hypothetical example, if I wrote “I feel worthless”, she would circle that phrase and comment on the mindset of the phrase. As I understood, her comments were supposed to be neutral, encouraging, and aid my spiritual growth to help me heal. What I didn’t expect-Anna showed Markus my journals without my consent. He admitted to me months later that he read them. When I would meet with Anna, I would speak to her more freely than I did with Markus, because I felt more comfortable speaking to a woman about certain issues. The counseling would get worse. From a verbal standpoint, there were instances where both Anna and Markus made comments, demeaning and critical comments, that did not help me process specific physical violence I had encountered. From a physical standpoint, I was given extra “assignments” during this program. I was asked by Anna not to wear a bra when I went into discipleship with her and counseling with Markus, which was Markus’s idea. She called me to give me that assignment on a Monday evening, and I asked her “who told you to tell me this?”. It was out of her character to ask me for such an assignment. She evaded the question by stating that she was giving me instructions to help to which I remember said “of course this wasn’t your idea.” I knew in my gut Markus was behind this idea. I would “cheat” by layering my clothes, and Markus, staring at my chest in one counseling session, said that I was cheating. In counseling, besides staring at my chest, he would describe breasts of women to me without saying their names, talk about my bra size and said that I could ask God for my breasts to get bigger, and asked me about the color of my pubic hair (I refused to answer him). For counseling, Anna and Markus, on seperate times, asked me to draw a naked picture of myself and a seperate one of my genitals, and I will explain later in this story how this happened. All these events happened slowly and gradually, and because I was emotionally numb, I was barely responsive. I felt scared. I also didn’t know how to verbalize to my loved ones what was going on with me in counseling. Markus used the Bible to justify why all of these assignments were okay, saying that God made me a masterpiece and that I should be proud of my body. He also quoted Genesis when I showed apprehension to the nakedness idea, saying “who told you that you were naked?”, what God told Adam after he sinned. I was also told by Anna “to the pure all things are pure” whenever I would protest these ideas.

I was afraid to leave because I instinctively knew that there would be consequences, and I was already challenging what I was told. I was part of the prayer team, young adults group, and children’s ministry, and I did not have an avenue to report his misconduct. Word Fellowship Church/Word Life Center did not have an elder board or an outside accountability organization (I don’t believe they still do), so Markus was the highest authority figure in the church, with no accountability head over him. When some of these assignments were given to me by Anna, she would “encourage” me by saying “I wouldn’t tell you to do anything I wouldn’t do or haven’t done”. I was encouraged to perform masturbatory acts in my own home and record in my journal specific details about them: positions, techniques, fantasies, etc. Just as with Teresa Spencer, now the topic of masturbation was discussed. I realized too late that masturbation was a common topic brought up in these discipling sessions, even when I was noticeably uncomfortable, and even if the topic was never brought up. To add salt to the would, Markus would act very “friendly” in the way he touched me both in church and counseling: touching my thighs, hugging me where I was belly to belly with him and his hands were on my waist/hip area, once kicking my bottom with his foot when I walked in front of him on the way to the counseling room, once pinching my sides from behind when I wasn’t looking during a Thursday night small group meeting, and often caressing my face and chin with his hands. When I had first told him about my past sexual abuse while we were sitting and alone in the counseling room, he pointed to his genitals in front of me and spoke to me in a way that made me feel like a child. To this day, I remember that he wore blue shorts in that meeting because of how shocked I was at his gestures. Once before I left counseling, I disagreed with him on a theological issue. He screamed at me and proceeded to caress my face. Because he was the pastor and Anna was my discipleship leader, I did not know who else to speak to inside the church about what they were doing. I felt alone.

To show that these events are not hearsay, here is the progression, with written down accounts, of the progression of my photos:

Picture 1 (below)- I was told on Nov 3, 2014 to draw a picture of myself during discipleship with Anna. The rationale was that the pictures were my perception of me:

This picture was not good enough. I was told , as written by Anna Shrader, to “redraw yourself completely without clothes from head to toe”. Also take note of the question near the chest in the drawing- “what happened to your breasts? Why don’t you have any?”

Picture 2 (below; censored)-This picture was drawn on 11-12-2014. What Anna wrote on this picture was-“this is not complete. Please do this over. You are missing things. Where are your elbows? Where are your knees? No nipples? Did you shave that day or have razor stubble? Do you shave your pubic area? Do you have scars? Beauty marks? Dimples, freckles, chin, cheeks? I want an extremely accurate drawing, front to back”. She also writes below: “Bring the new picture with you to your meeting with Pastor while I’m away and bring both journals with you as well.” So I was required in this dynamic to show Markus my drawings and journals.

Between this day and the week later, 11/18/14, when the final picture was drawn, Markus came up to me after Wed night service. He said that Anna wasn’t giving me clear instructions, and that he wants a naked picture of me. During this conversation he said that I have no breasts, no nipples, no vagina in those pictures. I asked “you saw my drawings?” I was shocked and scared. He said that of course he saw my drawings. He asked for a naked picture of me and a separate picture of my genitals. I now knew by Markus’ statements that Anna and Markus did talk to each other, and that nothing spoken was confidential.

Picture 3- I will not show this picture, but it was drawn on 11-18-14, detailed, for Anna and the pastor to see. That week on a Wednesday, as I was instructed, I showed Markus the pictures. He pointed and asked me what body part was drawing, and I told him it was my pubic area. He then stared at the picture, and put his thumb right on my drawing, in the pubic hair area. I was so uncomfortable that I started praying. I told myself at that moment, “God, if he gives me the pictures back, then I may trust this process more, but I don’t like this.” Markus gives me the pictures back. The next week with his session, I told Markus that I was uncomfortable. To rationalize and normalize what had happened with the pictures, I hung onto a misinterpretation of a passage from Hebrews 13:17- “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” I mentioned this verse to Markus and expressed my discomfort. Markus mentioned that if there was a progression of assignments involving nakedness, like “asking to see me in a mini skirt,” it would be wrong (meanwhile, I was told that he allegedly asked “worse” of others in counseling years later, so if true, this statement would be a lie he told me).

Markus and Anna didn’t naively give me those assignments. When Markus realized that I was talking to my best friend (she began visiting the church) about certain aspects of the counseling I was receiving, Markus told Anna to speak to me sometime in Spring 2015. Anna told me in a private meeting that I could not tell anyone about these assignments because “the outside world would not understand.” She told me that my friend was not a good Christian, so she would not be a trustworthy friend to confide in. I still feel sick thinking about those assignments I had to do and the topics I had to discuss in detail. Their counseling/discipleship guidance enhanced the emotional pain of which I was seeking relief. There is a line a counselor does not cross with a counselee, and both Anna and Markus crossed it. I knew I couldn’t do what they asked of me anymore. In the beginning of October 2015 , I knew that 1) Anna and Markus took advantage of my vulnerability and 2) I needed to leave this church for my own health. This would mean that I needed to drop every responsibility I had at church and run.

Once I knew I needed to leave, I dropped out of the prayer team without telling Anna. I knew she would try to control my decision. In the past, she’s gotten mad at me making decisions on my own without her input. I did not want her to control my decisions, and I did not owe anyone there an explanation. Markus heard about my decision, and he told Anna that Monday evening. (Note: Anna would meet with Markus later on Mondays for “accountability” meetings between them- all leaders under Markus were required to have these meetings with Markus. This is where the leaders were required to tell Markus everything, and these dynamics were not known to the common congregant. I didn’t know about these meetings until I was much deeper involved in discipleship). Anna called me at 5:20pm on a Monday, and I called her an hour later. She started interrogating me about the decisions I made, if I was leaving church, and why I didn’t call her sooner to tell her. What she didn’t know- I had my best friend in the room with me to hear and witness our conversation, and also to help me construct my thoughts. I defended myself, and Anna was talking down to me. My best friend couldn’t believe the tone Anna spoke with me, and said that this is why I don’t trust them. From her perspective, they were not giving me a reason to trust them, but just wanted to be in control. Anna kept calling me argumentative. I told her that I was not a child and that believing blindly causes people to get abused. That made her raise her tone with me even more. At the end of the conversation, she asked if I believed she loved me. I said no, because all I saw was control. That was the beginning of my “punishment”. That same week Wednesday, I was supposed to see Markus for counseling. Because of the red flags, I decided not to meet with him 1 on 1 anymore. In the text I sent, I said that I was not willing to meet with you 1 on 1 unless his wife is in the room with me also. He did not reply to my message, so I canceled my counseling session. I sent that message on October 14, 2015 and October 15, 2015.

He told Anna and the previous prayer leader to talk to me, and because of that text message I sent him, I was relinquished from every position I held in WFC/WLC.

Once I didn’t do what they asked of me, I was removed from every volunteer position I had in the church. As a reminder, I came to them for help to deal with abuse from home/my past, and this is how I was treated. When Markus sent Anna and the previous prayer leader to speak to me after Wed night service was over on October 15, 2015, (there are those who witness them literally running after me when I was leaving after service), I was told I was rebellious, disobedient, and not following God, and I was released from all of my volunteering responsibilities. I was not allowed to volunteer for 6 months until “I earned their trust” according to Anna. This was retaliatory. I was punished for telling Markus that I did not want to be in counseling anymore.

A week later, I left without giving the church an explanation near the end of October 2015. There were others who were also leaving. From what I was told second hand, Markus and some on his leadership team, Teresa Spencer as an example, allegedly told congregants in their small groups about why people were leaving and warned the congregation against those who left. Interestingly, much later on, a consent form was put on the website stating that things mentioned in counseling are not kept confidential for the purpose of the person’s healing. Such a contract never existed when I was in the discipleship program, and I never signed/agreed in writing to such terms:

“I understand that if I receive ministry from Transformation Ministries, the team is committed to respect the disclosed information, but not to complete confidentiality. The information, as needed, may be shared with other leaders of Transformation Ministries so as to further my total healing process. This may include future meetings with spiritual mentors in the church to set appropriate boundaries for my personal and spiritual growth. I understand that Word Life Center mandatorily reports child and elder abuse to the proper authorities. I agree to hold Word Life Center and its team members free from any and all liability, loss or damage of any kind that may arise as a result of assistance which I have received or from my involvement with Word Life Center………I agree to hold Word Life Center and its team members free from any and all liability, loss or damage of any kind that may arise as a result of assistance which I have received or from my involvement with Word Life Center.”

One must ask these questions- why does a church, dedicated to healing and the hurting, all of a sudden need a liability consent form for counseling? Where are the a list of the rights in counseling for the counselee in this form? Why is it necessary to NOT to keep confidentiality “to further my healing process” as the form states? Why does this consent form not specify who those counseling teams are, and who would be responsible for receiving privileged information? To reiterate, this form appeared on the website after I left the church, not before. I was never informed in writing that my information would not be confidential. An exact copy of the full statement can be found on their website: https://wordlifecenter.com/transformation-ministries/ (Click on Sozo application hyperlink near bottom of the page).

News of my counseling experience somehow spread. There were at least 2 people who knew I had to draw pictures of myself and go to counseling braless. Even though I left, those in leadership were still trying to control my decision. Moreover, a month after I left, Anna had spoken to a mutual friend of ours in November, asked about me, and told her that I should go to the leadership of the church and state why I left. I was only allowed to speak to them on their property and not in a neutral setting. I refused. Four years later, (2019) other congregants left the church and mentioned the unhealthy environment fostered by Markus Ehrich. Some of those who left apologized to me and understood what happened to me in the church. It seems that secrecy and denial were the running glue that held these dynamics of the church together, allowing Markus’ actions to be kept unchecked. From what I heard, Anna Shrader had left the church at that time. I hope she understands the role she played while at the church regarding what happened to me, and heals from the unhealthy dynamics Markus had her in. I have not heard from her, nor received at minimum an apology for her involvement in the counseling I was subjected to under her and Markus.

This is only a microcosm of what happened to me at this church. My story is not new and is one of many examples of an unhealthy institution. How this church offered counselings of this nature while demanding absolute obedience from me, a vulnerable counselee and congregant, while not requiring accountability of the leadership team, point to fruits of an unhealthy, unbiblical church. In general, churches must have checks and balances, and these instructions are noted in biblical passages such as 1 Timothy 3 or 1 Peter 5 to name a few. Otherwise, the lack of accountability fosters a cultic nature, rooted in the need for control, and the desire to keep this unbalance of control and power through secrecy. Though a common problem in institutions, this unbalance of power with no accountability is not endorsed by the Scriptures. On the contrary, “no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are cnaked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13). As previously stated, “everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.”

To my knowledge, I have yet to hear anyone from the counseling team and/or leadership team in this church state publically what they fully do and did to those in discipleship counseling and/or admit what they have done to me or others over the years. It is only through exposure that true accountability, healing and repentance can take place, so I write my story based on Ephesians 5:11- “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” For too long, these acts were hidden behind the scenes and have gone unchecked. It is reasonable to suspect, therefore, that these patterns have not changed. Darkness hides from the Light. This was my experience in Word Fellowship Church/Word Life Center under the leadership of Markus Ehrich, and I pray that telling my story serves as a warning to prevent others from being harmed.