In planning for our SNAP awareness event at the SBC annual meeting this week in Houston, we have put together a list of helpful tips on what to do when a pastor, priest, or trusted person is accused of abuse.
It is important to carefully consider our responses. The full, detailed list of tips is available on the SNAP website here.
Every person involved deserves and needs prayerful support.
You may feel angry, betrayed, confused, hurt, worried and sad. These are all natural, “typical” responses to an allegation of sexual abuse. None of these feelings are inappropriate or “bad.”
It’s far more widespread than any of us would like to believe. Experts estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be molested in their lifetimes.
Abuse victims, like rape victims, need their privacy to recover from their trauma.
Instead of undermining the credibility of accusers, these difficulties actually enhance their credibility.
Stress to your fellow parishioners that there are many good reasons why abuse victims disclose their victimization years after the crime.
Many times, abuse victims will continue to “keep the secret” unless specifically invited to disclose their victimization by someone they love and trust.
They may have information that could prove the guilt or innocence of the priest, pastor, teacher or coach facing allegations.
It’s your duty as a citizen to call the proper civil authorities if you have any information (even if it’s “second hand” or vague) that might help prove the guilt or innocence of the accused. It’s your duty as a Christian to help seek justice and protect others from harm.
Check out the web site for clergy abuse victims: www.snapnetwork.org
Calls, visits, letters, gifts, and prayers – all of these are appropriate ways to express your love and concern for the accused priest or pastor. Public displays of support, however, are not. They only intimidate others into keeping silent.
The trauma of the accused priest/pastor or trusted person and those who care about him, is obvious. You can usually see it in his/her face, posture, and actions. But please try to keep in mind the trauma of the accuser too. Because you rarely see his/her pain directly, it’s important to try and imagine it. This helps you keep a balanced perspective.
Talk with your children about “safe touch,” the private parts of their bodies, who is allowed to touch those parts, what to do if someone else tries, and who to tell. Urge your sons and daughters to have similar conversations with your grandchildren.
In times of stress and trauma, doing something constructive can be very beneficial. Volunteer your time or donate your funds to organizations that help abused kids or work to stop molestation.
On the one hand, at stake are the FEELINGS of a grown up. On the other hand, at stake is the PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, SPIRITUAL AND SEXUAL SAFETY of potentially many children. If one has to err in either direction, the prudent and moral choice is to always err on the side of protecting those who can’t protect themselves: children.
G.R.A.C.E. is one example of an outside expert. GRACE is a non-profit organization made up of highly trained and experienced multi-disciplinary professionals who seek to educate and empower the Christian community to identify, confront and respond to the sin, crime of child abuse.